Here's the thing, you know the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? I love them.
I know, I know - every Jackass twenty-years old + "loves" the Turtles... they grew up with them, watched them every morning, Shredder! Krang! That Rhino-Guy! Nostalgia! Blah blah blah!
People like that bug the crap out of me - it's this "retro is cool" mentality that saw everyone wearing Thundercats T-Shirts a few years ago. You should only wear that T-Shirt if you can tell me what the Eye Of Thundera is, and why the Sword of Omens was so fucking bad-ass, okay? Otherwise you're just an asshole in a Thundercats T-Shirt.
Me, I'm a Turtles fan. I spend my spare time reading the original comic books, watching the TV shows (even the godawful Next Mutation) and movies, playing the video games (Tournament Fighters on the Snes is still awesome) and from time doing a jigsaw puzzle. Jigsaw puzzles are cool, I had one when I was a kid that once you finished making it turned into a board game. It was bad ass.
When I say "when I was a kid"... well I had it when I was four and I still have it now. It's awesome, and if you disagree you are wrong. Also, Donatello is the shit. A brainiac geek who can kick your ass without you ever seeing him. That is awesome.
So when my favourite mutants (screw you, X-Men) were sold to Nickelodeon last year, I was worried. I mean, Nick? Sure they made some cool shit back in the day (Doug! Are You Afraid Of The Dark! Brilliant. Buy the DVD's. Now.) but in recent years they've degenerated into a company only concerned with making crap like The Amanda Show and spin-offs of popular Dreamworks movies (Penguins of Madagascar? Kung-Fu Panda? Really, that's what kids watch these days? Where the fuck is He-Man?) Mostly, they have fart jokes. Now, fart jokes can be funny - but fart joke after fart joke after fart joke ∞... that's stupid.
My fears were not unfounded, as there are signs that Nick are planning on bringing back Venus - the chick Turtle from Next Mutation. She had tits. That's weird. Since Nick has not produced anything to my taste for years... I'm left with little choice.
*
As sad as it may seem I think I'm going to turn into 'that guy'. The guy who moans about how it was better 'in the old days' whilst shaking my head in disgust at the latest incarnation of my favourite characters. I'll probably troll the internet, mindlessly looking for people to offend or insult for liking whatever Nick produces to do with the green dudes.
I mean, how dare these kids like something that I don't, right? How dare tastes change! How dare Nick try and bring more girls into the fandom by giving them a role-model within the story (who isn't a large-breasted redhead reporter/scientist)!
Jeez, you would think these cartoons were being made for kids or something, instead of twenty-something year olds like me. Of course, this new cartoon will automatically tarnish every single back-issue of the comics books, rendering them unreadable to anyone who isn't five.
The ultra-sophisticated and serious 1987 series will obviously be reduces to campy nonsense, simple by it's association to the new 'silly' cartoon via the characters. How dare they make a show about Turtles (transformed into bad ass humanoid ninjas by radioactive goo) silly! What are they thinking, don't they know how serious this is!?
I give up on life.
* Here is where I stop being serious and start trying to make a point, just for anyone who reads this who doesn't get it. I tried to make it as obvious as possible... but there's always one, isn't there**?
** Not that anyone will ever read this.
I know, I know - every Jackass twenty-years old + "loves" the Turtles... they grew up with them, watched them every morning, Shredder! Krang! That Rhino-Guy! Nostalgia! Blah blah blah!
People like that bug the crap out of me - it's this "retro is cool" mentality that saw everyone wearing Thundercats T-Shirts a few years ago. You should only wear that T-Shirt if you can tell me what the Eye Of Thundera is, and why the Sword of Omens was so fucking bad-ass, okay? Otherwise you're just an asshole in a Thundercats T-Shirt.
Me, I'm a Turtles fan. I spend my spare time reading the original comic books, watching the TV shows (even the godawful Next Mutation) and movies, playing the video games (Tournament Fighters on the Snes is still awesome) and from time doing a jigsaw puzzle. Jigsaw puzzles are cool, I had one when I was a kid that once you finished making it turned into a board game. It was bad ass.
When I say "when I was a kid"... well I had it when I was four and I still have it now. It's awesome, and if you disagree you are wrong. Also, Donatello is the shit. A brainiac geek who can kick your ass without you ever seeing him. That is awesome.
So when my favourite mutants (screw you, X-Men) were sold to Nickelodeon last year, I was worried. I mean, Nick? Sure they made some cool shit back in the day (Doug! Are You Afraid Of The Dark! Brilliant. Buy the DVD's. Now.) but in recent years they've degenerated into a company only concerned with making crap like The Amanda Show and spin-offs of popular Dreamworks movies (Penguins of Madagascar? Kung-Fu Panda? Really, that's what kids watch these days? Where the fuck is He-Man?) Mostly, they have fart jokes. Now, fart jokes can be funny - but fart joke after fart joke after fart joke ∞... that's stupid.
My fears were not unfounded, as there are signs that Nick are planning on bringing back Venus - the chick Turtle from Next Mutation. She had tits. That's weird. Since Nick has not produced anything to my taste for years... I'm left with little choice.
*
As sad as it may seem I think I'm going to turn into 'that guy'. The guy who moans about how it was better 'in the old days' whilst shaking my head in disgust at the latest incarnation of my favourite characters. I'll probably troll the internet, mindlessly looking for people to offend or insult for liking whatever Nick produces to do with the green dudes.
I mean, how dare these kids like something that I don't, right? How dare tastes change! How dare Nick try and bring more girls into the fandom by giving them a role-model within the story (who isn't a large-breasted redhead reporter/scientist)!
Jeez, you would think these cartoons were being made for kids or something, instead of twenty-something year olds like me. Of course, this new cartoon will automatically tarnish every single back-issue of the comics books, rendering them unreadable to anyone who isn't five.
The ultra-sophisticated and serious 1987 series will obviously be reduces to campy nonsense, simple by it's association to the new 'silly' cartoon via the characters. How dare they make a show about Turtles (transformed into bad ass humanoid ninjas by radioactive goo) silly! What are they thinking, don't they know how serious this is!?
I give up on life.
* Here is where I stop being serious and start trying to make a point, just for anyone who reads this who doesn't get it. I tried to make it as obvious as possible... but there's always one, isn't there**?
** Not that anyone will ever read this.
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