If I had a time machine I'd go see Halloween Resurrection at least ten times at the cinema, but ten copies of the DVD and pay everyone (I can time travel, I'm rich) to write positive reviews of the movie.Of course, this would be after I had run out of other things to do. I have a time machine for fuck sakes, I've got more important things to do - not least taking an adapted television and recorder back to the 1960's to record some missing Doctor Who for a start.
But yeah, eventually I would get around to making sure H:R made some serious fucking bank, because as shit as it might be it's a masterpiece compared to the cinematic abortions inflicted upon the fanbase by Robert Bartleh Cummings (Rob Zombie) the fucking tool. I mean, H:R is bad... but Zombie's films are like... evil captured on film. Watching this is akin to Rob Zombie deliberately infecting you with some fatal disease. Then raping you.
Yeah, Michael get's bitched out by a rapper. Yeah, the story is shit and doesn't really fit into the 'Halloween mythos' and yeah Laurie Strode goes out like a bitch... but at least it doesn't include dialogue like "Imma choke mah chicken and purge mah snorkle all over them flappy ass titties!" At least Michael isn't a whiny little girl-boy with long hair and B.O (probably).
It's pretty clear that Bartleh based Michael on himself, same grungy look - he even rocks the beard in Rob Zombie's Halloween II: Zombie Harder.
Which according to Bartleh is incredibly deep and powerful stuff. If I can go back and change history, then hopefully we'll see a sequel to this POS greenlit - because I'll fucking tell you, it'll be better than what we got.
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