It was better in my day...

Here's the thing, you know the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? I love them.

I know, I know - every Jackass twenty-years old + "loves" the Turtles... they grew up with them, watched them every morning, Shredder! Krang! That Rhino-Guy! Nostalgia! Blah blah blah!

People like that bug the crap out of me - it's this "retro is cool" mentality that saw everyone wearing Thundercats T-Shirts a few years ago. You should only wear that T-Shirt if you can tell me what the Eye Of Thundera is, and why the Sword of Omens was so fucking bad-ass, okay? Otherwise you're just an asshole in a Thundercats T-Shirt.

Me, I'm a Turtles fan. I spend my spare time reading the original comic books, watching the TV shows (even the godawful Next Mutation) and movies, playing the video games (Tournament Fighters on the Snes is still awesome) and from time doing a jigsaw puzzle. Jigsaw puzzles are cool, I had one when I was a kid that once you finished making it turned into a board game. It was bad ass.

When I say "when I was a kid"... well I had it when I was four and I still have it now. It's awesome, and if you disagree you are wrong. Also, Donatello is the shit. A brainiac geek who can kick your ass without you ever seeing him. That is awesome.

So when my favourite mutants (screw you, X-Men) were sold to Nickelodeon last year, I was worried. I mean, Nick? Sure they made some cool shit back in the day (Doug! Are You Afraid Of The Dark! Brilliant. Buy the DVD's. Now.) but in recent years they've degenerated into a company only concerned with making crap like The Amanda Show and spin-offs of popular Dreamworks movies (Penguins of Madagascar? Kung-Fu Panda? Really, that's what kids watch these days? Where the fuck is He-Man?) Mostly, they have fart jokes. Now, fart jokes can be funny - but fart joke after fart joke after fart joke ∞... that's stupid.

My fears were not unfounded, as there are signs that Nick are planning on bringing back Venus - the chick Turtle from Next Mutation. She had tits. That's weird. Since Nick has not produced anything to my taste for years... I'm left with little choice.

*

As sad as it may seem I think I'm going to turn into 'that guy'. The guy who moans about how it was better 'in the old days' whilst shaking my head in disgust at the latest incarnation of my favourite characters. I'll probably troll the internet, mindlessly looking for people to offend or insult for liking whatever Nick produces to do with the green dudes.

I mean, how dare these kids like something that I don't, right? How dare tastes change! How dare Nick try and bring more girls into the fandom by giving them a role-model within the story (who isn't a large-breasted redhead reporter/scientist)!

Jeez, you would think these cartoons were being made for kids or something, instead of twenty-something year olds like me. Of course, this new cartoon will automatically tarnish every single back-issue of the comics books, rendering them unreadable to anyone who isn't five.

The ultra-sophisticated and serious 1987 series will obviously be reduces to campy nonsense, simple by it's association to the new 'silly' cartoon via the characters. How dare they make a show about Turtles (transformed into bad ass humanoid ninjas by radioactive goo) silly! What are they thinking, don't they know how serious this is!?

I give up on life.








* Here is where I stop being serious and start trying to make a point, just for anyone who reads this who doesn't get it. I tried to make it as obvious as possible... but there's always one, isn't there**?

** Not that anyone will ever read this.

Doctor Who makes my head hurt.

Doctor Who is a show with 31 Seasons and various 'specials' under its belt. There's also a plethora of spin-off fiction... from comic books to novels to short stories to video games to audio-books to full cast audio plays.

As such, there's a ton of contradictory information out there. Let's look at one of the most iconic creatures Doctor Who has to offer:

The Daleks were once the peace-loving Dals, a race of philosophers and teachers (basically layabouts, but nice ones) who somehow got embroiled in a (short) nuclear war with the Thals... who were dicks.

So 500 years later and The Doctor and his 'pals' arrive on Skaro, and due to some First Doctor Dickery - get stuck there. Now the Dals are the Daleks - mutated forms of the original creatures in armour designed by their best scientists.

Here's the twist - Now it is the Daleks who are dicks and the Thals are all peace-loving and shit. The Doctor and The Thals team up and kill the shit out of the Daleks.

But wait, The Daleks are actually the Kaleds - basically outer-space Nazi's who insist on having a war with the Thals (who are pretty reasonable fellows) for a whole millennium. Then a scabby dude called Davros goes "The fuck with this" and decides to speed the whole thing up, mutating the Kaleds into... well... Daleks. (See what he did there)

Now, presumably because we actually see the second version of events, this is the correct one. One assumes the original story, related to the Doctor by the now-peace-loving (ie. pussy) Thals is a case of 500+ years of chinese whispers. But isn't it more interesting that the Daleks were once the peace loving Dals - rather than the Kaleds were dicks then became the Daleks... bigger dicks.

Atlantis also get's destroyed in Doctor Who. Twice. In stories involving totally different Doctors - what the hell does that do to his time-line. So what I would like to do here is try and examine the time-line of the Doctor in great detail and try and gel these wild variations together.

I would like to, but I'm not gonna. It's a TV show for fuck sakes.

The Halloween Franchise - Changing History

If I had a time machine I'd go see Halloween Resurrection at least ten times at the cinema, but ten copies of the DVD and pay everyone (I can time travel, I'm rich) to write positive reviews of the movie.

Of course, this would be after I had run out of other things to do. I have a time machine for fuck sakes, I've got more important things to do - not least taking an adapted television and recorder back to the 1960's to record some missing Doctor Who for a start.

Make believe TV Star.

Holy crap, I was on Confidential!

Yeah, it was a few weeks ago, but I only just remembered to write a blog about it. Some guy, Karen Gillan... ME (nursing the autograph she had just signed for me). This makes me happy, for hopefully I will be included in the Doctor Who Confidential Cutdowns on the DVD Box Set later this year... please BBC, please?

The Eleventh Doctor

The Eleventh Doctor, or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love The New Guy

So we're just a few days away from the 13th (and final) episode of the 2010 Season of Doctor Who - possibly the most important series for the revived show since... well... the launch in 2005. And I want to talk about Matt Smith, the Eleventh Doctor.

I remember sitting up the night before the official announcement was made - worrying about who it would be. Then that special episode of Confidential came on... and after a bit he was just suddenly there. No great reveal... he was just there.

That's pretty apt, as Smith isn't a crash-bang-wallop in your face Doctor. He has his moments, but in general he's a quieter more restrained Doctor than his immediate "pouty-shouty" predecessor. He didn't need a fanfare - that's not who his Doctor is.

So we've seen him in twelve different episodes now, and I'm left eagerly awaiting The Big Bang (the only reason I'm writing this is because I can't get Doctor Who out of my head) and I want to talk about Smith, and why I like The Eleventh Doctor so much.

There's something very "Original Run" about his Doctor - so much so that he often feels like a 1963-89 Doctor trapped in an episode of the revived series. The furious pace of the post-2005 episodes is maintained... but Smith slows everything down. He makes me enjoy the journey, rather than feeling like I'm part of a furious race to get somewhere.

Smiths Doctor is also very alien - not completely comfortable with mankind and human behaviour (his attempt to replicate human social interaction in 'The Lodger' is one of the best moments for the Eleventh Doctor this series) - a far cry from the Lion King quoting, Blockhead loving Tenth Doctor. He says the wrong things at the wrong time and finds "waiting" to be very tedious - no matter what he may be waiting for.

He also has heart - the end of Vincent and The Doctor is all the evidence you need for this - despite being very, VERY Alien he is still very, very human when it counts.

I feel like I would trust him - in The Eleventh Hour when Amy has him trapped (by the tie in a car door) and he asks her to trust him I think "I would trust that guy." he emanates goodness.

He moves strangely and looks uncomfrotable in his own skin - which works for The Doctor. Changing bodies must be a massive shock and a big adjustment to be made. Whilst this awkwardness is apparentely an everyday thing for Smith, it certainly works in the context of the show - without ever being laboured upon.

He has a great voice, a voice filled with authority (without having to resort to shouting like a lunatic) - that's not to say he doesn't get upset, but he sounds like a patient, kind and wise old man. He just happens to be trapped in the body of a 27 year old.

There's something to be said for the way he dresses. Not a great fashion choice but they do tell us something about the character. Smith has stated that the Doctor is someone who "isn't cool but thinks he is" - the tweed and bow tie are the Eleventh Doctors approximation of cool - and it just reminds me of William Hartnells costume being his approximation of 20th Century dress.

It does feel like someone at odds with the culture of the day, trying and failing to fit in - just like Hartnell.

The Eleventh Doctor is trustworthy, he's slow, he's fast, he's completely alien and completely human, he doesn't get "humans" and yet understands them completely - he's a mass of contradictions just as The Doctor should be. Long may he reign.

Project X

A few days ago American Author Jeffery Deaver was announced as the new Bond author. In a time where the cinematic Bond seems to be hanging in the balance, this is exceptionally welcome news. More Bond - New Bond! Ever since reading the original Fleming novels, I have considered the books to be my favourite version of the character and of course the definative one.

Whilst the continuation novels (in general) have never lived up to the original books, I consider them to be interesting. Even if the are terrible, it's still interesting to read them - as they reflect the changing attitudes and perceptions of Bond as time has passed. They are certainly worth owning. The main exception would be Kingsley Amis' effort, Colonel Sun. A book which I think lives up to the Fleming novels.

The last continuation novel, Devil May Care by Sebastian Faulks, ignored all previous continuation novels, being a direct sequel to Ian Fleming's The Man With The Golden Gun. To be honest, I didn't think much of it. It returned Bond to a Cold War Period setting, which I had previously thought to be his rightful place. A concentrated attempt was made to make the book feel like a 'Lost Fleming' novel.

However, I think the experiment failed. Faulks was an inspired choice, but the decision made to write the novel in therpersona of Ian Fleming left the book feeling like a cheap imitation. And so I'm quite releaved to see that Deaver will be doing his own thing with Bond, whilst promising to remain true to what makes the original novels work so well. Of course, it could all go wrong - but I'm encouraged by what he's saying.

Now, we don't know many details yet. Not the title, not the story... nothing. Except that it's out next year and will follow the pattern of previous continuation novels (bar Devil May Care) of bringing the literary Bond into the modern day.

Personally, I've never been overly bothered by whether the continuation-Bond novels were period pieces or not, because in my eyes only the Fleming novels count. Sure, I have each of the other novels sitting proudly on my bookshelf - but I see them as ultimately disposable 'bonus feature' books, whilst Fleming is the main attraction. As I said, I would exclude Kingsley Amis from that though - Colonel Sun is an excellent entry into the franchise.

There are several rumors going around that this book will be a full 'literary reboot' - ignoring all novels that have gone before it. I have to say, I'm in favour of the idea. The movie version of Casino Royale did exactly this, and was able to built its own world from the ground up. The Fleming novels would still be there for anyone to read - but the new books would not be bound by the continuity - it really opens up the playground. However, if it's not a reboot I'm just as excited. I want to see where Deaver takes Bond, and how he works with the established continuity. Basically, if the book is good... I'll be happy. If not, then I won't be. Couldn't be any simpler.

Why yes, I am fucking awesome. Thank you.

Nice glasses, huh?

This photo was taken a couple of days ago, out in Aberdeen with my girlyfriend Vicky. Afterwards I tried on pink straw hats - rather fetching methinks.

The Spider-Man shirt I'm wearing is covered in sparkles i never noticed when I bought it. His eyes are surrounded by fake diamonds and his webs are all... glittery. Love it.

So anyway it was a good day - albiet a short one. Started late, finished early - loved it though. I was however forced to go to the Beach - in the sun.

Now, I don't like the sun. I really don't - I skip the whole tanning thing and go straight to burning. A few minutes in that fiery bastard and I look like Freddy Krueger.

But the real reason I love this photo is that almost everything I'm wearing in it is a size smaller, in general I'm down one X in my clothing. Which makes me pretty happy - although it's getting harder and harder to maintain weight-loss - especially since I'm not attending Uni that often (just exams now) I'm not doing that four mile walk every day. Trying to make up for it with dog walks, but it's hard to keep motivated.

This pic shall be my motivation.

Eleven!

Today I met Matt Smith. And Karen Gillan and the incredible Steven Moffat. If you look at my previous entry, I mention Matt Smith coming to Inverness. That was today. I went, I enjoyed. I was surprised at how quiet it all was. Hardly anyone showed up (who wasn't invited to the screening) but it wasn't greatly advertised. They let those of us who just turned up on the off chance mull around a bit whilst the Tardis Team were otherwise engaged. Anyway, eventually they came out. There was no time for posed photos (they had to catch a plane afterall.) Mr. Smith was very apologetic to everyone about this - he seems like a really nice guy. Hopefully one day I'll get more of a chance to chat to him. Anyhoo, he signed autographs - I got two, as I do with Doctors. Also managed to get an 8x10 of "Amy" signed by Karen and Steven Moffat signed my Whographs book. It was all very brief, but no less awesome for it. There was obviously a bit of a crowd (just not as many as I expected) so even getting a photo of the crew was dissicult. I got a couple of the top of Matt Smiths head though...
It was awesome.

The Pain, The Pain Of It All

Yesterday. The Gym. Today. The Gym. I've been putting my all into exercising and I'm left in agony. That's good though, means I'm getting somewhere. I'm off again today to punish myself for getting into this state.

I find going to the gym an odd thing. Before I go I hate the idea of it, I detest the concept of going to the gym and doing all the pulling and pushing and lifting and moving. But when I get there I enjoy it. I love it, in fact... but come my next visit I've gone back to hating the idea. Oh well.

So I just read Shutter Island for the first time. The trailer for the film looked interesting (haven't seen it yet) and so when I saw the book at a decent enough price I grabbed it. I read it in a day, inbetween visits to the gym. I loved it. It's the first book recently that has actually captured my imagination and made me want to keep reading - this Dennis LeHane guy is a genius. Unfortunatly I've heard the movie doesn't even nearly live up to the book... but I'll give it a look see anyway and form my own opinion.

Matt Smith is coming to Inverness! That's like an hour away from where I live and I hope I might get to meet the man. There's a lot of sketchy and conflicting information floating around, nothing seems to be certain yet. Some say it's in the city, some a small town nearby. Some say it's children only, some say it's only the screening of the first episode that is limited to children.

Regardless, I'll be there on the off chance that I get to meet the guy. I've met Doctors in the past, but never the 'current Doctor'. Oh, it's exciting. Get an autograph and a quick photo - I've had 8x10's professionally printed just in case.

Exciting.

Off to the gym now, oh dear...

Sundays...

Ah sundays. Best day of the week Sundays. The runaround of the week is over, no Six AM wake-up on a Sunday. Nope, not for me. No 9.5 hour shift today, just messing around the house with only minimal responsiblities. Huzzah.

So I've started my day with two slices of wheat toast. More importantly I'm watching The Ipcress File as soon as I'm done with this. Very much looking forward to it. Now that the first two films in the series have finally arrived I can finally get in to them.

What a mess the UK distribution rights for these films must be in. The first released by Network, second by Paramount, the third by MGM and the two TV movies released by Anchor Bay (Ah, Anchor Bay... I remember when you were a horror movie fans best friend. Whatever happened to you?)

So anyway I'm going to see the new Alice In Wonderland film on Tuesday, could have seen it yesterday but I want to see the 3D version of the fick. Despite not liking 3D very much - fact is they're showing a 3D Doctor Who trailer before it. I want to see that. It's a complete waste of money and time, but I'm a Doctor Who fan... I NEED to see it.

So yesterday I did it again. I spent too much money and picked myself up a few seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Previously I only owned Seasons 1 & 7 (due to them being on special offer in a local shop) and the movies. Despite my love of TNG as a youngster I much prefer the Original Series now. Anyway, they were at a price that I considered too good to resist. This leaves me now in need of two seasons of the show. Hopefully the shop keeps them at the special price until I can afford them.

Stuff!

First blog on the new set-up. Huzzah. I have no followers - and the old blog only managed to get one in all it's time online (and I'm pretty sure that was because of my scathing review of the 2009 version of Halloween II)

Not been up to much lately. Despite my best efforts I've been unable to see 'The Wolfman', which kinda sucks but there's much worse things in the world than not being able to see a movie.

I'm still on my diet and exercise regeime. Going pretty well, the weight is dropping at a safe and steady pace. Pretty happy with that.

I'm still studying. That'll be done soon, thankfully. Then I move on to what I really want to do - Journalism training.

Work is still 'very part time' which means I'm in a difficult financial situation at the moment... I'm not helping myself though. See...

...I've been hoarding again. Spending money I don't have - oops. First off I overpaid for the new Doctor Who DVD release, as seen on the left. Two stories from the Hartnell/First Doctor era. Haven't got round to watching them yet - I tend to wait a while after purchase.

Had a look at the special features though - some pretty good stuff on these discs. Particularly the Daleks beyond the screen docu that looks at different versions of the Daleks beyond the TV show itself - they cover everything from toys to books to comics. Good stuff.

I pai £24.99 at HMV, which is pretty expensive compared to most places online and the supermarkets. Unfortunately I feel I have to buy these things the day they come out - I didn't preorder it anywhere and HMV was the only place I could get to. Oh well, they're worth that price anyway.

I also bought all five Harry Palmer movies. I've been a casual fan of Michael Caine for years but last years Harry Brown really showed me how utterly brilliant the man truly is. I'm also a big fan of spy movies - so I decided to pick up the trilogy. Then I saw that there were two Made-For-TV movies in the mid 1990's - so decided I had to get them too.

I bought them all online and annoying the first two have not arrived yet, so I can't really get started. All in all I only spent around £20 on the whole lot. Which isn't bad going for five flicks. I'll be reviewing them on the main site as I watch them through. I'm also hoping to find the books at a decent price and give them a read through too. I believe there are four books featuring the nameless character that would become 'Harry Palmer' on film.

My last big purchase was the six original cast Star Trek movies. I love Star Trek, and the original cast especially (growing up I was more of a Next-Gen geek) and have all of these already on DVD. Part of the draw was the fact that these Blu-Ray discs contain the original versions of the movie - and in most cases I prefer to watch original versions.

Directors Cuts and Special Editions are all very well and good, and I enjoy owning them and watching them - but I like to have the original on hand too. In the cases of the DVD's I was only able to find the special remastered jiggery-pokified editions. So it's quite nice to see them in their original form here.

From what I've watched so far the picture is great - although there is some very noticable dirt they didn't clean. Shame, as it does affect the enjoyment, but not too much.

There are a couple more items, but I'll probably talk about them at a later date once I've got a couple of things set up. Ah, six am start tomorrow. That means another night of not sleeping, worrying that my alarm won't go off. Unbounded joy.

Better scoot.

Byeee.